Welcome to another episode of People Play Story, where we delve into the art of storytelling and impactful communication. Today, we explore the intriguing dynamics of persuasion, focusing on the concepts of 'need' versus 'want.' This episode is inspired by a chapter from my book, People Play Story, currently available in German.
We begin by examining how the language of 'must,' 'need,' and 'want' influences our interactions. The discussion highlights how framing requests as wants rather than musts can lead to more effective communication by tapping into intrinsic motivation. We explore how needs, such as security and connection, can be leveraged to create genuine wants, using examples like car commercials that appeal to our desire for family safety.
The conversation takes a deeper turn as we consider the ethical implications of persuasion. We discuss the fine line between influencing and manipulating, emphasizing the responsibility communicators have to use their knowledge ethically. We explore how companies can either exploit or genuinely meet consumer needs through their messaging.
Practical advice from the book includes the power of asking questions to understand others' needs and wants, and how to connect these to desired actions. We also discuss the importance of storytelling in making messages relatable and memorable, enhancing their persuasive power.
We conclude with a reflection on personal communication patterns, encouraging listeners to consider how they use 'need' and 'want' in their interactions. This episode is a call to action for more authentic and effective communication, aiming to create win-win situations and build meaningful connections.
[00:00:08]
Martin Kloss:
Hi, and welcome to People Play Story, a podcast about storytelling and how to communicate with impact. My name is Martin Kloss, and I'm a professional story coach and speaker trainer. I recently wrote a book. It's called People Play Story, but it's only available in German for now. So to help me reach a wider audience and spread the word about the power of stories, I created this podcast. Full disclosure, what you're about to hear is generated by an AI, courtesy of Google's notebook LM. And each episode is based on a different chapter of my book. I hope you enjoy it and that I can give you something to think about today. Have fun.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Alright. Ready for a deep dive. Today, let's talk persuasion, specifically need versus want, and it's a bigger deal than you might think. Absolutely. It's more than just semantics.
[00:01:04] Unknown:
How we use these words, how we frame things can completely change how we connect with people, Whether it's leading a team or just talking to family,
[00:01:13] Unknown:
this stuff matters. And the best part is we're going deep with this awesome book, People Place Story. Okay. Cool. Tell me more. So it's originally German, which I think is kinda cool, adds a bit of mystery. Definitely piques the curiosity. Yeah. The chapter we're on is, which means, get this, must need want. Which is kinda what we're all about here today, breaking that down. Exactly. And one of the things this book nails is how telling someone you must do this usually backfires. You ever feel that? Like, instant resistance. Oh, 100%. It's like you can lead a horse to water, but Right. Nobody likes being told what to do. But here's where it gets cool. They say framing things as a want works way better. It's that intrinsic motivation.
[00:01:58] Unknown:
When we want something, we're way more onboard, way more excited than if it's just a chore on the to do list. Makes sense. So how does this whole must need want thing actually work? They seem all mixed up sometimes. Yeah. They are definitely connected, but the book breaks it down well. Must, like we said, least effective, creates pushback. It's like the opposite of persuasive. Right? Exactly. Then there's need. This is essential stuff for survival or well-being,
[00:02:23] Unknown:
both physical and emotional. Okay. So, like, food, water, shelter, the obvious ones, but then also feeling connected to others, having a purpose. Exactly. We have needs on all these levels. And here's the thing,
[00:02:36] Unknown:
really good communicators, they tap into those needs to then create want. Oh, I see where you're going with this. It's like those car commercials. Right? They don't say, you must buy our car. Right. It's all, don't you want your family safe? Yeah. They're tapping into that existing need for security, and boom, suddenly that SUV is less of a luxury, more like, well, I need this for my family. Wow. That's such a good example. So it's not about tricking people into wanting things they don't actually need. Right. It's more about understanding the psychology of it all. How do we frame a message so it genuinely clicks with the other person? Okay. That leads us to want,
[00:03:11] Unknown:
the persuasion holy grail.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
This is about desires, aspirations, the things that get us fired up. Exactly. And those wants, they're shaped by everything. Personal experiences, what everyone else is doing, marketing, even the book mentions, like Rolex watches, Ferraris. No one needs those to survive. Right? Yeah. Definitely not essential for life. But they represent something success.
[00:03:33] Unknown:
People want them because of the feelings they bring up. Makes sense. But that makes me wonder, where's the line ethically? Are we all just, like,
[00:03:40] Unknown:
puppets to our wants all the time? That's the big question. Right? And that's where things get really nuanced with this whole need versus want thing. Because it's not always so black and white. Exactly. Sometimes wants are valid. They push us in good directions. Other times, not so much. It could be a slippery slope to just always wanting more. You know? And as communicators, we have to be aware of that. Right? Mhmm. Absolutely. Huge responsibility to use this knowledge ethically. And that's where it gets interesting. Right? Like, where's the line? Knowing this need versus want stuff, it shouldn't be about becoming some master manipulator. Right. We're not trying to be like Darth Vader over here using mind tricks on everyone. Exactly. Yeah. It's more about realizing this knowledge cuts both ways. Think about marketing. Right? Mhmm. A company could use this to trick people into buying stuff they don't even need, can't afford,
[00:04:30] Unknown:
all that. Oh, like those buy now, pay later things? Exactly. Praying on that instant gratification
[00:04:35] Unknown:
even if it hurts you long term. But then flip side, that same company could use this need and want thing to promote stuff that actually helps people, makes life better. Like, if a company is selling solar panels, they could frame it as, hey, wanna help the planet. There you go. They're connecting to that need for sustainability, that desire for a healthier future. So it really comes down to intention, being upfront about it. Totally.
[00:05:01] Unknown:
Okay. We've covered a lot. But the real question is, how do we use this?
[00:05:06] Unknown:
It's one thing to talk about it, but how do we actually become better communicators because of it? That's the key. Right? Knowledge is only powerful if you put it into action. Exactly. Well, the book actually gives some good advice here, and it's surprisingly simple. Ask questions. Yes. Sounds so basic, but we forget all the time. Instead of assuming we know what someone needs or wants,
[00:05:27] Unknown:
just ask. Because we're so busy thinking about what we wanna say. Right? All the time. But real communication is a two way street. You gotta meet the other person where they're at, figure out what makes them tick. So instead of being like, I need you to do this project by Friday, it's more like, hey. What are your thoughts on where the team's going? Any areas you'd like to have a bigger impact?
[00:05:46] Unknown:
Now you're talking. Yeah. That's inviting someone in, making them feel valued, heard, and then you can start connecting the dots between what they want and the thing you're proposing. Okay. So asking questions. Step 1. What's next? Gotta connect those needs and wants to the action you actually want them to take. Find that win win where you both benefit.
[00:06:07] Unknown:
I see. So it's like instead of, hey. I need you to pick up this report. It's more like, if I had that report by tomorrow, I could really highlight your team's work to the higher ups. You know? Bingo. Now you're speaking their language. Everyone wants to be recognized, appreciated. Right? It's like you're turning a chore into an opportunity. I love that. Exactly.
[00:06:26] Unknown:
It's about finding that overlap between your needs and their wants.
[00:06:31] Unknown:
Which sometimes that takes creativity. Right? Absolutely. That's where really understanding how motivation works is super helpful. It's like that example in the book about connecting, wanting a stable climate to what we do every day. That's a tough one. Super tough. Climate change is overwhelming. It's easy to just feel doomed, but they suggest flipping the script, making it more positive. So instead of hitting people with all the scary stats, it's more like, wouldn't it be amazing if our generation was known for solving this, creating a better future for everyone? Yes.
[00:07:02] Unknown:
Now you're tapping into hope, that desire to make a difference, and then you could talk about what people can actually do to be part of the solution. You're totally changing the story around climate change. I love it. That's what it's all about. Finding that emotional connection, then showing how action leads to a good outcome. Okay. So asking questions, connecting the dots. Any other wisdom from the book we should know? Oh, one more thing that really stuck with me. Stories, man. Tell stories. People connect with stories like nothing else. So true. We've all been sucked into a good story, whether it's a book, movie, even just a friend telling us something. Exactly. Stories cut through all the noise. They make us feel something. So when you're trying to persuade someone,
[00:07:42] Unknown:
think. How can I tell a story about this? So instead of just listing features of a product, you tell a story about someone using it to, like, achieve a goal or overcome something, make it real. Exactly.
[00:07:54] Unknown:
Now it's relatable. It's memorable,
[00:07:56] Unknown:
and, yeah, it's way more persuasive. This is awesome. I feel like I have a whole new way of looking at communication now. Me too. It's amazing how these simple ideas can make such a huge difference in how we connect with each other. It really is. It's like we've uncovered the secret code for human connection, and the best part is it's not about manipulation or trickery. Exactly. It's about authenticity.
[00:08:16] Unknown:
It's about understanding what truly matters to people and then finding those points of connection. It that brings us to the heart of this whole need versus want discussion.
[00:08:27] Unknown:
Because when we understand what motivates people on a deeper level, we can communicate with them in a way that resonates, inspires, and ultimately drives action. Beautifully said. It's not just about getting what we want. It's about creating win win situations where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued. Which, let's be honest, is a breath of fresh air in today's world. So much communication feels transactional surface level. This feels different. It is different. It's about building bridges instead of walls. It's about using our words to create positive change both in our own lives and in the world around us. I love that. And speaking of creating change, I think this is the perfect moment for our listener to do a little self reflection. Oh, I love a good moment. What do you have in mind? Well, we've talked a lot about how other people use need and want to persuade us, but what about us?
Think about a time when you successfully influenced someone or maybe a time when you were really persuaded by someone else. Did you appeal to their must, their need, or their want?
[00:09:30] Unknown:
That's such a powerful question. It really challenges us to turn the lens inward and examine our own communication patterns. Exactly. And once you start to recognize those patterns, you can start to make more conscious choices about how you communicate. It's like you're becoming the architect of your own influence.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
I love it. And the best part is this isn't just about becoming a better salesperson or negotiator,
[00:09:50] Unknown:
although it can certainly help with that. This is about showing up more authentically and effectively in all areas of our lives. Absolutely. Whether you're trying to inspire your team, connect with your kids, or even just have a more meaningful conversation with your partner,
[00:10:04] Unknown:
understanding the difference between need and want can make all the difference. This has been such an insightful deep dive. I feel like I have a whole new perspective on communication and persuasion.
[00:10:15] Unknown:
Me too. It really highlights the power of words and how we can use them to create more positive, impactful connections. And on that note, we'll wrap up this deep dive into the fascinating world of need versus want.
[00:10:28] Unknown:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the deep dive so you don't miss our future explorations. Until next time. Happy listening.
[00:10:45] Martin Kloss:
Hi, everyone. It's me again. Just a quick note before I let you go. I hope you found today's episode entertaining, engaging, and maybe even inspiring. If you did, please spread the word. And if you didn't, please keep it to yourself. And if you wanna know more, have any questions, or wanna work with me, please get in touch with me on martinklaus.com or on LinkedIn. Now have a great day. Go out and do something fun.
Hi, and welcome to People Play Story, a podcast about storytelling and how to communicate with impact. My name is Martin Kloss, and I'm a professional story coach and speaker trainer. I recently wrote a book. It's called People Play Story, but it's only available in German for now. So to help me reach a wider audience and spread the word about the power of stories, I created this podcast. Full disclosure, what you're about to hear is generated by an AI, courtesy of Google's notebook LM. And each episode is based on a different chapter of my book. I hope you enjoy it and that I can give you something to think about today. Have fun.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Alright. Ready for a deep dive. Today, let's talk persuasion, specifically need versus want, and it's a bigger deal than you might think. Absolutely. It's more than just semantics.
[00:01:04] Unknown:
How we use these words, how we frame things can completely change how we connect with people, Whether it's leading a team or just talking to family,
[00:01:13] Unknown:
this stuff matters. And the best part is we're going deep with this awesome book, People Place Story. Okay. Cool. Tell me more. So it's originally German, which I think is kinda cool, adds a bit of mystery. Definitely piques the curiosity. Yeah. The chapter we're on is, which means, get this, must need want. Which is kinda what we're all about here today, breaking that down. Exactly. And one of the things this book nails is how telling someone you must do this usually backfires. You ever feel that? Like, instant resistance. Oh, 100%. It's like you can lead a horse to water, but Right. Nobody likes being told what to do. But here's where it gets cool. They say framing things as a want works way better. It's that intrinsic motivation.
[00:01:58] Unknown:
When we want something, we're way more onboard, way more excited than if it's just a chore on the to do list. Makes sense. So how does this whole must need want thing actually work? They seem all mixed up sometimes. Yeah. They are definitely connected, but the book breaks it down well. Must, like we said, least effective, creates pushback. It's like the opposite of persuasive. Right? Exactly. Then there's need. This is essential stuff for survival or well-being,
[00:02:23] Unknown:
both physical and emotional. Okay. So, like, food, water, shelter, the obvious ones, but then also feeling connected to others, having a purpose. Exactly. We have needs on all these levels. And here's the thing,
[00:02:36] Unknown:
really good communicators, they tap into those needs to then create want. Oh, I see where you're going with this. It's like those car commercials. Right? They don't say, you must buy our car. Right. It's all, don't you want your family safe? Yeah. They're tapping into that existing need for security, and boom, suddenly that SUV is less of a luxury, more like, well, I need this for my family. Wow. That's such a good example. So it's not about tricking people into wanting things they don't actually need. Right. It's more about understanding the psychology of it all. How do we frame a message so it genuinely clicks with the other person? Okay. That leads us to want,
[00:03:11] Unknown:
the persuasion holy grail.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
This is about desires, aspirations, the things that get us fired up. Exactly. And those wants, they're shaped by everything. Personal experiences, what everyone else is doing, marketing, even the book mentions, like Rolex watches, Ferraris. No one needs those to survive. Right? Yeah. Definitely not essential for life. But they represent something success.
[00:03:33] Unknown:
People want them because of the feelings they bring up. Makes sense. But that makes me wonder, where's the line ethically? Are we all just, like,
[00:03:40] Unknown:
puppets to our wants all the time? That's the big question. Right? And that's where things get really nuanced with this whole need versus want thing. Because it's not always so black and white. Exactly. Sometimes wants are valid. They push us in good directions. Other times, not so much. It could be a slippery slope to just always wanting more. You know? And as communicators, we have to be aware of that. Right? Mhmm. Absolutely. Huge responsibility to use this knowledge ethically. And that's where it gets interesting. Right? Like, where's the line? Knowing this need versus want stuff, it shouldn't be about becoming some master manipulator. Right. We're not trying to be like Darth Vader over here using mind tricks on everyone. Exactly. Yeah. It's more about realizing this knowledge cuts both ways. Think about marketing. Right? Mhmm. A company could use this to trick people into buying stuff they don't even need, can't afford,
[00:04:30] Unknown:
all that. Oh, like those buy now, pay later things? Exactly. Praying on that instant gratification
[00:04:35] Unknown:
even if it hurts you long term. But then flip side, that same company could use this need and want thing to promote stuff that actually helps people, makes life better. Like, if a company is selling solar panels, they could frame it as, hey, wanna help the planet. There you go. They're connecting to that need for sustainability, that desire for a healthier future. So it really comes down to intention, being upfront about it. Totally.
[00:05:01] Unknown:
Okay. We've covered a lot. But the real question is, how do we use this?
[00:05:06] Unknown:
It's one thing to talk about it, but how do we actually become better communicators because of it? That's the key. Right? Knowledge is only powerful if you put it into action. Exactly. Well, the book actually gives some good advice here, and it's surprisingly simple. Ask questions. Yes. Sounds so basic, but we forget all the time. Instead of assuming we know what someone needs or wants,
[00:05:27] Unknown:
just ask. Because we're so busy thinking about what we wanna say. Right? All the time. But real communication is a two way street. You gotta meet the other person where they're at, figure out what makes them tick. So instead of being like, I need you to do this project by Friday, it's more like, hey. What are your thoughts on where the team's going? Any areas you'd like to have a bigger impact?
[00:05:46] Unknown:
Now you're talking. Yeah. That's inviting someone in, making them feel valued, heard, and then you can start connecting the dots between what they want and the thing you're proposing. Okay. So asking questions. Step 1. What's next? Gotta connect those needs and wants to the action you actually want them to take. Find that win win where you both benefit.
[00:06:07] Unknown:
I see. So it's like instead of, hey. I need you to pick up this report. It's more like, if I had that report by tomorrow, I could really highlight your team's work to the higher ups. You know? Bingo. Now you're speaking their language. Everyone wants to be recognized, appreciated. Right? It's like you're turning a chore into an opportunity. I love that. Exactly.
[00:06:26] Unknown:
It's about finding that overlap between your needs and their wants.
[00:06:31] Unknown:
Which sometimes that takes creativity. Right? Absolutely. That's where really understanding how motivation works is super helpful. It's like that example in the book about connecting, wanting a stable climate to what we do every day. That's a tough one. Super tough. Climate change is overwhelming. It's easy to just feel doomed, but they suggest flipping the script, making it more positive. So instead of hitting people with all the scary stats, it's more like, wouldn't it be amazing if our generation was known for solving this, creating a better future for everyone? Yes.
[00:07:02] Unknown:
Now you're tapping into hope, that desire to make a difference, and then you could talk about what people can actually do to be part of the solution. You're totally changing the story around climate change. I love it. That's what it's all about. Finding that emotional connection, then showing how action leads to a good outcome. Okay. So asking questions, connecting the dots. Any other wisdom from the book we should know? Oh, one more thing that really stuck with me. Stories, man. Tell stories. People connect with stories like nothing else. So true. We've all been sucked into a good story, whether it's a book, movie, even just a friend telling us something. Exactly. Stories cut through all the noise. They make us feel something. So when you're trying to persuade someone,
[00:07:42] Unknown:
think. How can I tell a story about this? So instead of just listing features of a product, you tell a story about someone using it to, like, achieve a goal or overcome something, make it real. Exactly.
[00:07:54] Unknown:
Now it's relatable. It's memorable,
[00:07:56] Unknown:
and, yeah, it's way more persuasive. This is awesome. I feel like I have a whole new way of looking at communication now. Me too. It's amazing how these simple ideas can make such a huge difference in how we connect with each other. It really is. It's like we've uncovered the secret code for human connection, and the best part is it's not about manipulation or trickery. Exactly. It's about authenticity.
[00:08:16] Unknown:
It's about understanding what truly matters to people and then finding those points of connection. It that brings us to the heart of this whole need versus want discussion.
[00:08:27] Unknown:
Because when we understand what motivates people on a deeper level, we can communicate with them in a way that resonates, inspires, and ultimately drives action. Beautifully said. It's not just about getting what we want. It's about creating win win situations where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued. Which, let's be honest, is a breath of fresh air in today's world. So much communication feels transactional surface level. This feels different. It is different. It's about building bridges instead of walls. It's about using our words to create positive change both in our own lives and in the world around us. I love that. And speaking of creating change, I think this is the perfect moment for our listener to do a little self reflection. Oh, I love a good moment. What do you have in mind? Well, we've talked a lot about how other people use need and want to persuade us, but what about us?
Think about a time when you successfully influenced someone or maybe a time when you were really persuaded by someone else. Did you appeal to their must, their need, or their want?
[00:09:30] Unknown:
That's such a powerful question. It really challenges us to turn the lens inward and examine our own communication patterns. Exactly. And once you start to recognize those patterns, you can start to make more conscious choices about how you communicate. It's like you're becoming the architect of your own influence.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
I love it. And the best part is this isn't just about becoming a better salesperson or negotiator,
[00:09:50] Unknown:
although it can certainly help with that. This is about showing up more authentically and effectively in all areas of our lives. Absolutely. Whether you're trying to inspire your team, connect with your kids, or even just have a more meaningful conversation with your partner,
[00:10:04] Unknown:
understanding the difference between need and want can make all the difference. This has been such an insightful deep dive. I feel like I have a whole new perspective on communication and persuasion.
[00:10:15] Unknown:
Me too. It really highlights the power of words and how we can use them to create more positive, impactful connections. And on that note, we'll wrap up this deep dive into the fascinating world of need versus want.
[00:10:28] Unknown:
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the deep dive so you don't miss our future explorations. Until next time. Happy listening.
[00:10:45] Martin Kloss:
Hi, everyone. It's me again. Just a quick note before I let you go. I hope you found today's episode entertaining, engaging, and maybe even inspiring. If you did, please spread the word. And if you didn't, please keep it to yourself. And if you wanna know more, have any questions, or wanna work with me, please get in touch with me on martinklaus.com or on LinkedIn. Now have a great day. Go out and do something fun.
