Welcome to another episode of People Play Story, where we explore the art of storytelling and impactful communication. Today, we delve into the nuances of effective communication, focusing on the 3 V's: visual, vocal, and verbal cues. These elements are crucial in ensuring your message resonates with your audience.
We discuss the importance of aligning your words with your tone and body language to enhance authenticity and connection. Drawing from Albert Mehrabian's research, we explore how only 7% of communication is about the words, while 38% is tone, and a significant 55% is body language. This episode emphasizes body language, the power of nonverbal communication, and how it can influence both how others perceive us and how we feel about ourselves.
We also share practical tips on becoming more aware of your body language, such as maintaining a neutral posture and being mindful of gestures. By understanding and practicing these cues, you can improve your communication skills and build stronger relationships.
Join us as we uncover the secrets to effective communication and challenge you to pay attention to your posture in your next important conversation. Remember, communication is a skill that can always be improved, and by mastering the 3 V's, you can connect with others on a deeper level.
[00:00:08]
Martin Kloss:
Hi, and welcome to People Play Story, a podcast about storytelling and how to communicate with impact. My name is Martin Kloss, and I'm a professional story coach and speaker trainer. I recently wrote a book. It's called People Play Story, but it's only available in German for now. So to help me reach a wider audience and spread the word about the power of stories, I created this podcast. Full disclosure, what you're about to hear is generated by an AI, courtesy of Google's notebook LM. And each episode is based on a different chapter of my book. I hope you enjoy it and that I can give you something to think about today. Have fun.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Ever get that feeling like you're saying all the right words, but it's just not landing. It's like that old saying. Right? It's not what you say. It's how you say it. And that's exactly what we're diving into today, those subtle but crazy powerful cues
[00:01:06] Unknown:
that can really make or break your message. Totally. And our source today, Martin Kloss, he gets it. We're talking about the 3 v's of communication, visual, vocal, and verbal. Kloss really dives deep. You know? He argues, we often get so caught up in what we're saying that we totally forget about the how. Oh, absolutely. It's how it all works together. Like, when your words and your tone and your body language all match up, that's when you get real power in your communication. It's not about trying to, you know, be manipulative. It's about being authentic. That's when your message really gets through. Think about a job interview. Right? You can go in. You can have your resume. You can, like, really think about the answers, but somebody's gonna walk out of there remembering how you shook their hand, how you sat in the chair It's so true. What your demeanor was like. Yeah. It's that 73855
[00:01:54] Unknown:
rule. Okay. The 73855 rule. That sounds familiar.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
Remind me what that's all about. Yeah. So that comes from Albert Mehrabian. He was a psychologist, did a lot of research on this, and his research found that only 7% of communication is the actual words that we're saying. Wow. Okay. 38% is our tone of voice. Okay. And then a whopping 55% is all of that body language.
[00:02:19] Unknown:
Wow.
[00:02:20] Unknown:
So 55% is, like, more than half? That's the majority? Yeah. So, really, are we saying that the words don't even matter that much? That's where people kinda get it a little confused. It doesn't mean that we just forget about the words, but it's just showing how important that delivery is. And especially when we're thinking about communicating emotions, those visual cues, those vocal cues, those are really important. So it's not about ignoring the words, but it's about remembering that the words are just one piece of this whole puzzle.
[00:02:47] Unknown:
Exactly. I like that. So we've got these three things. Yeah. The visual, the vocal, and the verbal. Let's break them down. Okay. So let's start with the visual. Close points out that we can't not communicate with our bodies. Even if we're trying to be totally still, our body's still saying something. It's like this whole language we don't even realize we're speaking. Mhmm. And he talks about how a lot of our body language comes from this, like, deep down need to feel safe and comfy. Like, when we get nervous, we might fidget or, like, clasp our hands together. Yeah. And all that stuff can actually show what's going on inside even if we're trying to act like something else. And it's not like you have to have perfect posture or anything. It's about noticing what you're doing with your body.
[00:03:27] Unknown:
Like, what's your posture saying? What about your hands? Even little things, like if you tilt your head. It's kinda freaky how much we're communicating
[00:03:34] Unknown:
without even realizing it. He gives all these examples in his book. And once you start to notice them, it's like you see them everywhere. But how do we actually use them? Like, how can understanding this actually make us better communicators?
[00:03:45] Unknown:
Yeah. That's the big question, isn't it? Koos talks about how important it is to just start by, like, paying attention. Be a student of body language, both your own and, like, what other people are doing. What are those little things you notice? Like, somebody frowning or always touching their face. That's so true. It's like you don't even realize
[00:04:03] Unknown:
how much of how we communicate
[00:04:05] Unknown:
is driven by this, like, primal stuff. Right. And the more aware we are of it, I mean, all the subtle cues, the better we can get at actually communicating. You know? Not trying to trick anyone or anything, just being real. It really is like learning a whole new language. Yeah. But instead of words, it's all about understanding those little nonverbal signs. That's a great way to put it. And just like any language, the more you practice, the better you're gonna get at it. The more we pay attention, the easier it becomes to not only see what's going on, but to actually use it ourselves. You know? Like becoming a detective
[00:04:38] Unknown:
of nonverbal cues. Take eye contact, for example. Right. We tend to hold someone's gaze longer when we're listening than when we're speaking. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about it like that. It's subtle, but it speaks volumes about your engagement. You know? I've noticed that when I'm really passionate about something,
[00:04:55] Unknown:
my hands move more. Yeah. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. Well and that's what you're trying to figure out. What are your natural tendencies, and then how can you be intentional with those? Oh, okay. So it's not about,
[00:05:07] Unknown:
like, getting rid of all the things that make me sound like me and, like, how I naturally talk. It's just about being aware of them and then being able to control them if I need to. Exactly. That makes me feel better. I don't have to be a robot. No. We don't want robots. That's good because I don't think I could pull it off. Me neither. Okay. So for our listeners out there who are like me, I wanna start small.
[00:05:29] Unknown:
Klas actually has some cool advice on this whole body language thing. Like, it's easy to say pay attention to your posture, but actually doing it. Yeah. It's a whole other story. He has this great analogy, though. He calls it finding your neutral null position. Neutral null position. Okay. What is that? Basically, it's like calibrating your body before you even start talking.
[00:05:49] Unknown:
So imagine there's this red thread attached to your chest pulling you upright like a puppet. Okay. So no more slouching. Got it. What else? He's also big on being grounded, like, literally. Okay. So weight distributed evenly on both feet. No leaning, no swaying, just this feeling of, like, stability and presence.
[00:06:07] Unknown:
Makes sense. Now the age old question, what do I do with my hands?
[00:06:13] Unknown:
Gloss says nothing. Wait. Really? Well yeah. Okay. You'll use gestures, obviously. But he suggests starting from this neutral place, hands just hanging naturally at your sides. It actually helps prevent those, like, nervous movements that could be distracting. Oh, so it's more about, like, giving them permission to chill out first. Exactly. And then they'll be more natural when you do use them. That's interesting. But how do you even practice that? Klas recommends practicing your presentation or whatever it is in 2 totally opposite ways.
First, with exaggerated movements, almost like you're in a silent film. Okay. And then the complete opposite, totally still, like a statue. Like a statue. Yeah. It might feel super weird at first, but it helps you find that sweet spot in between. I love that. I'm gonna try that. He also mentions not relying too much on mirrors,
[00:07:02] Unknown:
at least when you're first starting out. Why is that? Because what we see in the mirror is flipped. Right. Oh, right. Yeah. So what we think looks natural might not translate the same way to other people. It's a good point. So it's more about self awareness first, maybe getting feedback from people you trust, and then maybe using video later on. Exactly. And remember, there's no one right way to do body language.
[00:07:23] Unknown:
It's more about finding what feels authentic to you, what matches your message. Authenticity. I love that. So how can people start to apply this in their own lives? Like, what's a good first step if you wanna be more aware of your own three v's? You know, one thing that's actually really helpful is to think about your posture
[00:07:41] Unknown:
next time you're having an important conversation. Are you kinda hunched over? Are your shoulders all tense? Just notice it. See if you can, like, gently adjust your posture to something a little more open. That's a really good point. I never thought about how much of a difference something as simple as posture can make in how other people see you. Absolutely. And it's not even just about how other people see you. Your posture can actually change how you feel about yourself too. When you stand or even sit up straight, it just naturally makes you feel more confident.
[00:08:11] Unknown:
It's crazy how our body language can actually change how we feel inside too. It totally goes both ways. Our bodies reflect what's going on inside, but they can also affect it. That is so interesting. So by, like, really getting to know our own body language, we can not only get better at talking to other people, but it can help us feel better about ourselves. It's about being present in the moment and, like Mhmm. Aware of yourself and everyone else. Definitely.
[00:08:35] Unknown:
Being mindful is huge. Yeah. But, honestly, I think just having this knowledge is super powerful. The more you understand the 3 v's, the more you can use them intentionally, not in a manipulative way, but to be more authentic and connect with people on a deeper level and actually build stronger relationships.
[00:08:54] Unknown:
I love that using this to build better relationships. So for our listeners who are maybe thinking, okay. This is all super interesting, but where do I even start? What's one simple thing they can take away from this and try? You know, here's a challenge. Next time you have a conversation that really matters,
[00:09:09] Unknown:
pay attention to your posture. Are you slouching? Are you tense? See if you can kind of gently adjust your posture. Be a little more open. You might be surprised by how different you feel. Such a small thing. Right? It really shows how much power we have as communicators. It's just about tapping into it. Exactly. And the more you learn about this stuff, the more you see how much it affects every single interaction we have. I mean, everything from just chatting with someone to a job interview, even your closest relationships.
[00:09:36] Unknown:
It's like this whole new world has opened up, and now we have the tools to actually navigate it. Exactly. It's a journey. You know? As you
[00:09:44] Unknown:
become more aware of how you communicate, you get better at it overall, and you can have these incredible connections with people. Such a great point to end on. I have to say, I'm definitely feeling inspired to pay more attention to my own nonverbal cues. Mhmm. You know? See if I can connect with people in a more genuine way. I love that. And just remember, communication is a skill. We can always get better at it. And the more we learn, the more confident we become. That's so true.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Thanks for joining us on this deep dive, everyone. And remember, next time you're talking to someone, think about those 3 v's. You might be surprised what you notice. Until next time.
[00:10:27] Martin Kloss:
Hi, everyone. It's me again. Just a quick note before I let you go. I hope you found today's episode entertaining, engaging, and maybe even inspiring. If you did, please spread the word. And if you didn't, please keep it to yourself. And if you wanna know more, have any questions, or wanna work with me, please get in touch with me on martinklaus.com or on LinkedIn. Now have a great day. Go out and do something fun.
Hi, and welcome to People Play Story, a podcast about storytelling and how to communicate with impact. My name is Martin Kloss, and I'm a professional story coach and speaker trainer. I recently wrote a book. It's called People Play Story, but it's only available in German for now. So to help me reach a wider audience and spread the word about the power of stories, I created this podcast. Full disclosure, what you're about to hear is generated by an AI, courtesy of Google's notebook LM. And each episode is based on a different chapter of my book. I hope you enjoy it and that I can give you something to think about today. Have fun.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Ever get that feeling like you're saying all the right words, but it's just not landing. It's like that old saying. Right? It's not what you say. It's how you say it. And that's exactly what we're diving into today, those subtle but crazy powerful cues
[00:01:06] Unknown:
that can really make or break your message. Totally. And our source today, Martin Kloss, he gets it. We're talking about the 3 v's of communication, visual, vocal, and verbal. Kloss really dives deep. You know? He argues, we often get so caught up in what we're saying that we totally forget about the how. Oh, absolutely. It's how it all works together. Like, when your words and your tone and your body language all match up, that's when you get real power in your communication. It's not about trying to, you know, be manipulative. It's about being authentic. That's when your message really gets through. Think about a job interview. Right? You can go in. You can have your resume. You can, like, really think about the answers, but somebody's gonna walk out of there remembering how you shook their hand, how you sat in the chair It's so true. What your demeanor was like. Yeah. It's that 73855
[00:01:54] Unknown:
rule. Okay. The 73855 rule. That sounds familiar.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
Remind me what that's all about. Yeah. So that comes from Albert Mehrabian. He was a psychologist, did a lot of research on this, and his research found that only 7% of communication is the actual words that we're saying. Wow. Okay. 38% is our tone of voice. Okay. And then a whopping 55% is all of that body language.
[00:02:19] Unknown:
Wow.
[00:02:20] Unknown:
So 55% is, like, more than half? That's the majority? Yeah. So, really, are we saying that the words don't even matter that much? That's where people kinda get it a little confused. It doesn't mean that we just forget about the words, but it's just showing how important that delivery is. And especially when we're thinking about communicating emotions, those visual cues, those vocal cues, those are really important. So it's not about ignoring the words, but it's about remembering that the words are just one piece of this whole puzzle.
[00:02:47] Unknown:
Exactly. I like that. So we've got these three things. Yeah. The visual, the vocal, and the verbal. Let's break them down. Okay. So let's start with the visual. Close points out that we can't not communicate with our bodies. Even if we're trying to be totally still, our body's still saying something. It's like this whole language we don't even realize we're speaking. Mhmm. And he talks about how a lot of our body language comes from this, like, deep down need to feel safe and comfy. Like, when we get nervous, we might fidget or, like, clasp our hands together. Yeah. And all that stuff can actually show what's going on inside even if we're trying to act like something else. And it's not like you have to have perfect posture or anything. It's about noticing what you're doing with your body.
[00:03:27] Unknown:
Like, what's your posture saying? What about your hands? Even little things, like if you tilt your head. It's kinda freaky how much we're communicating
[00:03:34] Unknown:
without even realizing it. He gives all these examples in his book. And once you start to notice them, it's like you see them everywhere. But how do we actually use them? Like, how can understanding this actually make us better communicators?
[00:03:45] Unknown:
Yeah. That's the big question, isn't it? Koos talks about how important it is to just start by, like, paying attention. Be a student of body language, both your own and, like, what other people are doing. What are those little things you notice? Like, somebody frowning or always touching their face. That's so true. It's like you don't even realize
[00:04:03] Unknown:
how much of how we communicate
[00:04:05] Unknown:
is driven by this, like, primal stuff. Right. And the more aware we are of it, I mean, all the subtle cues, the better we can get at actually communicating. You know? Not trying to trick anyone or anything, just being real. It really is like learning a whole new language. Yeah. But instead of words, it's all about understanding those little nonverbal signs. That's a great way to put it. And just like any language, the more you practice, the better you're gonna get at it. The more we pay attention, the easier it becomes to not only see what's going on, but to actually use it ourselves. You know? Like becoming a detective
[00:04:38] Unknown:
of nonverbal cues. Take eye contact, for example. Right. We tend to hold someone's gaze longer when we're listening than when we're speaking. Oh, that's interesting. I never thought about it like that. It's subtle, but it speaks volumes about your engagement. You know? I've noticed that when I'm really passionate about something,
[00:04:55] Unknown:
my hands move more. Yeah. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. Well and that's what you're trying to figure out. What are your natural tendencies, and then how can you be intentional with those? Oh, okay. So it's not about,
[00:05:07] Unknown:
like, getting rid of all the things that make me sound like me and, like, how I naturally talk. It's just about being aware of them and then being able to control them if I need to. Exactly. That makes me feel better. I don't have to be a robot. No. We don't want robots. That's good because I don't think I could pull it off. Me neither. Okay. So for our listeners out there who are like me, I wanna start small.
[00:05:29] Unknown:
Klas actually has some cool advice on this whole body language thing. Like, it's easy to say pay attention to your posture, but actually doing it. Yeah. It's a whole other story. He has this great analogy, though. He calls it finding your neutral null position. Neutral null position. Okay. What is that? Basically, it's like calibrating your body before you even start talking.
[00:05:49] Unknown:
So imagine there's this red thread attached to your chest pulling you upright like a puppet. Okay. So no more slouching. Got it. What else? He's also big on being grounded, like, literally. Okay. So weight distributed evenly on both feet. No leaning, no swaying, just this feeling of, like, stability and presence.
[00:06:07] Unknown:
Makes sense. Now the age old question, what do I do with my hands?
[00:06:13] Unknown:
Gloss says nothing. Wait. Really? Well yeah. Okay. You'll use gestures, obviously. But he suggests starting from this neutral place, hands just hanging naturally at your sides. It actually helps prevent those, like, nervous movements that could be distracting. Oh, so it's more about, like, giving them permission to chill out first. Exactly. And then they'll be more natural when you do use them. That's interesting. But how do you even practice that? Klas recommends practicing your presentation or whatever it is in 2 totally opposite ways.
First, with exaggerated movements, almost like you're in a silent film. Okay. And then the complete opposite, totally still, like a statue. Like a statue. Yeah. It might feel super weird at first, but it helps you find that sweet spot in between. I love that. I'm gonna try that. He also mentions not relying too much on mirrors,
[00:07:02] Unknown:
at least when you're first starting out. Why is that? Because what we see in the mirror is flipped. Right. Oh, right. Yeah. So what we think looks natural might not translate the same way to other people. It's a good point. So it's more about self awareness first, maybe getting feedback from people you trust, and then maybe using video later on. Exactly. And remember, there's no one right way to do body language.
[00:07:23] Unknown:
It's more about finding what feels authentic to you, what matches your message. Authenticity. I love that. So how can people start to apply this in their own lives? Like, what's a good first step if you wanna be more aware of your own three v's? You know, one thing that's actually really helpful is to think about your posture
[00:07:41] Unknown:
next time you're having an important conversation. Are you kinda hunched over? Are your shoulders all tense? Just notice it. See if you can, like, gently adjust your posture to something a little more open. That's a really good point. I never thought about how much of a difference something as simple as posture can make in how other people see you. Absolutely. And it's not even just about how other people see you. Your posture can actually change how you feel about yourself too. When you stand or even sit up straight, it just naturally makes you feel more confident.
[00:08:11] Unknown:
It's crazy how our body language can actually change how we feel inside too. It totally goes both ways. Our bodies reflect what's going on inside, but they can also affect it. That is so interesting. So by, like, really getting to know our own body language, we can not only get better at talking to other people, but it can help us feel better about ourselves. It's about being present in the moment and, like Mhmm. Aware of yourself and everyone else. Definitely.
[00:08:35] Unknown:
Being mindful is huge. Yeah. But, honestly, I think just having this knowledge is super powerful. The more you understand the 3 v's, the more you can use them intentionally, not in a manipulative way, but to be more authentic and connect with people on a deeper level and actually build stronger relationships.
[00:08:54] Unknown:
I love that using this to build better relationships. So for our listeners who are maybe thinking, okay. This is all super interesting, but where do I even start? What's one simple thing they can take away from this and try? You know, here's a challenge. Next time you have a conversation that really matters,
[00:09:09] Unknown:
pay attention to your posture. Are you slouching? Are you tense? See if you can kind of gently adjust your posture. Be a little more open. You might be surprised by how different you feel. Such a small thing. Right? It really shows how much power we have as communicators. It's just about tapping into it. Exactly. And the more you learn about this stuff, the more you see how much it affects every single interaction we have. I mean, everything from just chatting with someone to a job interview, even your closest relationships.
[00:09:36] Unknown:
It's like this whole new world has opened up, and now we have the tools to actually navigate it. Exactly. It's a journey. You know? As you
[00:09:44] Unknown:
become more aware of how you communicate, you get better at it overall, and you can have these incredible connections with people. Such a great point to end on. I have to say, I'm definitely feeling inspired to pay more attention to my own nonverbal cues. Mhmm. You know? See if I can connect with people in a more genuine way. I love that. And just remember, communication is a skill. We can always get better at it. And the more we learn, the more confident we become. That's so true.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Thanks for joining us on this deep dive, everyone. And remember, next time you're talking to someone, think about those 3 v's. You might be surprised what you notice. Until next time.
[00:10:27] Martin Kloss:
Hi, everyone. It's me again. Just a quick note before I let you go. I hope you found today's episode entertaining, engaging, and maybe even inspiring. If you did, please spread the word. And if you didn't, please keep it to yourself. And if you wanna know more, have any questions, or wanna work with me, please get in touch with me on martinklaus.com or on LinkedIn. Now have a great day. Go out and do something fun.
